Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
