Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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