final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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