she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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