I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
