I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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