He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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