well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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