I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
