I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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