TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it glows. i had to have it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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