Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
