I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
