Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
