i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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