It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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