I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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