Will you blow on my dice?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
