They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
