Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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