Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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