I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
