I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
