Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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