Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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