Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
either way he was missing a nipple.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
