he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i think i have two assholes
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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