If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
