My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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