I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
