worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
