Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
