I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
