I'm gonna have a badass scar
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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