did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
