Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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