i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
worst night to have a conscience
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
