fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
