I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
