What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
