You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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