You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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