I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm too high and old for this...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
