It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
