i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
