You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
