Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
