shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
