next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
