It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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