I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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