Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
