I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
