I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
