just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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