There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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