I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
