Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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