Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize