i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
