Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
