I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
