I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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